I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
