well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
