checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize