whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
