dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
