Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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