I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
