2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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