im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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