I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
