he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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