she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
