Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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