Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
