hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
