Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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