Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
