Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Randomize
