my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
