I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My penis needs a shock collar
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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