My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
