In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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