Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
