Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
