Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
