somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He passed out mid-signature
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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