Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
