i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
