just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
