Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
