So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
