I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
