What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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