Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
