rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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