Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize