At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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