So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
