I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
