Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
