I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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