you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
