I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
