If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
