My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
