You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
