I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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