we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
