i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
organizing the empties. That sober.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
