I must be too annoying 4 u.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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