"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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