you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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