i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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