Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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