So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
there is puke in my bra ... again
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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