It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
