You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
