How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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