Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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