I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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