Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
