One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
