You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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