he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
