been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
