I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
