census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
