I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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