i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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