My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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