It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
