I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize