I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
