It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize