She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
