I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
