There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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