i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
