did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
