Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
