So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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