Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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