I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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