So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
