I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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