I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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