Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
