this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
