he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
