you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
