This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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