Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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