I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
