Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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