Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
