Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
