I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
