I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
