I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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