I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
