saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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