that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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