If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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