I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Less talking, more tequila
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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