so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
