I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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