dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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