oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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