have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
