from now on my penis is your penis
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
