you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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