I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
